Myths about domestic abuse
It is important to understand the realities of domestic abuse. Many myths exist about what it is, who it affects, and how it is caused, so we’ve broken down some of the most prevalent misconceptions:
Myth: Domestic abuse is only physical violence.
Domestic abuse can be emotional, psychological sexual, financial, digital, or controlling, as well as physical abuse. Domestic abuse may not leave visible injuries. Forms of domestic abuse include:
Physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional and/or psychological abuse (intimidation, humiliation, manipulation, threats), coercive control, economic/ financial abuse, online/ digital abuse, stalking and/or harassment, isolation.
Myth: Domestic abuse doesn't happen to men.
Domestic abuse is very common and can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, background, religion, sexuality or ethnicity. While women are disproportionately affected, men can and do also experience domestic abuse.
Myth: Domestic abuse only happens in romantic relationships.
Domestic abuse is behaviour that is designed to control, threaten and/or harm another person in a relationship – in most cases by a former or current partner, but it can also be carried out by a family member, a carer, or others in positions of trust.
Myth: If it were really that bad, the victim would leave.
People experiencing domestic abuse may stay for various reasons. Leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous and complex, even if someone wants to. Some explanations for staying include:
The victim may fear for their life or the safety of their children if they try to leave. They may still feel love towards their partner, believing the apologies and promises that the abuse will stop. Some victims have been deliberately isolated from support networks like family and friends and will have nowhere safe to go. Some victims lack financial security or independence, or might worry about the impact of leaving on their immigration status.
Myth: Abusers lose control when they are violent.
Abuse is often calculated and deliberate. It is used to take and maintain control rather than lose control.
Myth: Victims provoke or deserve the abuse.
No-one ever deserves to be abused. Responsibility lies with the abuser.
Myth: Alcohol, stress, or drugs cause domestic abuse.
These can worsen behaviour, but are not an excuse for abusive behaviour. Abuse is a choice; it is about power and control – only the abuser is responsible for their actions. Many people who use drugs and alcohol do not abuse their partner.
Myth: It’s a private or family matter, lots of couples argue.
Domestic abuse is a serious crime and a public health and safeguarding issue. Disagreement is not the same as abuse. It is healthy and normal to have differing opinions in a relationship; abuse involves using threats, intimidation, isolation or different forms of harm (physical, sexual, psychological, emotional) to control another person. Unlike a normal relationship, there is no balance of power or mutual respect in an abusive relationship.